I would like to share with you all how I came to know those words and why they are so important to me. In 2000 I was living in Sana’a, Yemen, which is where I said the Shahada. What I witnessed amongst the Yemenis is a truly beautiful culture and way of living that is dictated by Islam. People follow the Sharia and Sunnah because they know that it helps to develop spiritual relations with the One God. I witnessed how this beautiful society was so able to promote spirituality and not just rigid religion. The women that I was associated with carried with them a peace that is hard to find amongst my friends here. In fact, I admit that I never knew what true friendship was until I met a sweetheart of Allah, Maha Al-Qerbi. There is special care that is felt amongst spiritual people of which is extra powerful amongst the true lovers of the One God.
Although, when I returned to the States in 2001, I had a hard time cultivating Islam. I found it easier to go back to my old life. I hadn’t follow develop the discipline to be a Muslim. In the beginning of 2007, my heart started to be pulled back to Islam. After years of not praying, not thinking about G-d, not caring about anything in life, but my own, something just changed. I suddenly felt empty. No longer did I care about all the things that kept me locked into this culture. Not my bike, not my knowledge of beer, nor my ability to attract good-looking people towards me, was satisfying in any way to me. One night in that winter of 2007, I attended a zikr-Allah. I put on my abaya and hijab and suddenly remembered Allah. I wept when I heard other people saying the name of G-d. With their hearts and not with their ego, people declared their love to the Beloved.
That summer, I crossed the Asian world. I visited tombs of saints in Central Asia, Azerbaijan and Turkey. I prayed at the great Ottoman Masjids and saw the faces of my brothers and sisters looking for Allah. When I arrived back in the States from that fascinating travel, I looked deeper into my heart to see if I was truly ready to submit to Islam. The world around me had not changed, but I had. I knew that I would be able to listen to my heart and truly give myself to G-d.
What does it mean to give oneself to Allah? It means that one must follow the life of the Prophet Moh’d, sws. How does one do that? For me it meant, to stop listening to my ego and start listening to my heart and spirit. I started praying all of my prayers and even more. I found out much about the saints, the women, and the lovers of Allah. Their stories and poetry vibrated through me.
One such saint is Rabia Adawiya, a woman from Basra, Iraq. She was kidnapped and forced into prostitution at a young age. Through the hardship of her life, she kept her heart turned to Allah and came to know Allah as her Beloved.
In one stanza in one of her classic poems she writes: “O Allah, If I adore you out of fear of Hell, burn me in Hell. If I adore you out of desire for Paradise, Lock me out of Paradise. But if I adore You for yourself alone. Do not deny to me your eternal beauty.”
I had previously been under the impression that Allah was separate from humanity, her words gave me new insight. Being in Love with Allah is a hard emotion to take on. How does one fall in love with G-d? I looked towards different Sufi tariqats to understand how the saints invoked such emotion. I found it easily in them. For hours I sat and listened to highly spiritual beings explaining what Islam really is. What Allah is and What his Attributes are and Why it’s important to cultivate those Names into ones life.
There are thousands of stories, fables, and parables written by Muslims since the time of the Prophet that put so vividly the world of Islam. Another beautiful stories goes as followed.
There was once two young children who played with one another. As they grew up the boy fell in love with this girl. He would never be allowed to marry her. He became a majnoon, wandering from forest to forest, living in caves because of the pain of seeing his beloved with another. One time he without thought passed in front of a man praying, almost knocking him over. The man yelled at him. Majnoon points out to him, that one must not be in love with Allah if he is so distracted by such a fly, as he was so in love with his Layla that he never noticed this man praying.
This story illustrates the perfection of Ishq that one must shoot for in this life. We must not pray just because we feel obligated, one must pray and live ones life in sincerity to develop enlightenment and ISHQ for Allah.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to express all the beautiful aspects of Islam and what it means to me to be a Muslim. It is such a blessing to know that I have an extremely supportive community who accept you regardless of your color, background, or social standing. Purity comes rapidly to the heart for the lovers of Allah and a special clarity comes to the mind. After a few months of seeking to know Allah, I was able to confidently give up many aspects of my ego in return of my spirit.
Today, as I sleep I find myself remembering Allah, through prayers. When I dream, I hear words of my Beloved. When I walk through the day, caring for my father, I see the duty that Allah has sent me to fulfill. In fact, because of the practice of Islam, I have gained special attributes myself. When needed, I can see through the eyes of others and feel their hearts beat as my own. I am more in check of my feelings and more able to feel comfort with one breath. In-Allah. Out-HU
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